Father…… Hope You're here

Here's a story of a Fatherless Child...

Hard… the word I could associate for such an experience that made me cry…

It was an awful day, full of hesitation. i was thinking of so many things to comply for me to pass the first semester. keeping myself cool, still could not avoid thinking of one of the concepts i am taking up.. really making me pressured… it was like being pushed and pulled..

I could not imagine how can i be able to surpass these trials of mine… one thing for sure is that this has started when my father died of cancer….

February 2008 still in my third year in nursing, my father was diagnosed with cancer stage 3… knowing the situation since im on the field, i could not believe that my father is suffering from such serious disease. i could not describe how i feel knowing his condition.

Me and my father was never been close to each other. ever since, i never found him laughing at my jokes, sympathized whenever i have problems, and celebrated in my successful moments.

I was really wondering , why in the world i was chosen to be one of those who are in my situation. i’ve done a lot of things in life just to make him happy and be proud of me.

I’d been a good student since elementary and now in college. i was garnered with lots of achievements not just in school but also outside school premises. he never had attended one of my graduations… and i was really preoccupied with the thought that he might be present during my graduation this coming March.

I guess I’ve done all i could do……but… neither of these seemed to be effective.

Yes, i was compensating that much just to catch a little of my father’s attention but i never heard him say that,” Mac2x i’m so proud of you.!” i was really waiting for that very special moment to come…

I've been keeping my good grades in college for me to graduate as cum laude if ever given the chance to be and see my father receive the honor that i have struggled for him.. but i guess, that moment would no longer be possible…………………………..

June 2008, my father died……… i was really not thinking of that moment to come…. i was in shock… confused… mixed emotions of guilt, disappointment, loneliness, and hopelessness… what i was thinking on that very moment is that what could i become without my father…. what’s the use of struggling much, if my hardships would no longer be recognized since my father has left.

Everything in my sense seems to be useless. i felt that i was in the middle of nowhere. pointless and far out of direction….. that’s why………………………………………………

When i returned to school after a week of weeping and solitude, i was really numb and my mind was not focused on learning…. i was in the midst of adjusting from the loss that i had.

I took the quiz, even though i knew nothing about the things that they had discussed. i failed…. i tried to cope up with the gap but i felt it was hard… i missed a lot of quiz but fortunately my instructor gave me time to compensate on my misses.

Now, as the first semester is about to end, i still have not taken those misses…. you know why? cause everytime i study the concept, the death of my father comes in… im still unprepared to take the quizzes and right now still confused if i still have the chance to pass the concept…….. if i fail this, its the same as failing my father…. and i could not take it if that would happen…..

Its like the world is on my shoulder… i have no idea…. really miss my father….. i considered him as a source of inspiration when he was alive. would i be inspired even if he is not around?

I still dont know what to do…. im still looking for ways on how would i be able to manage the situation.

If this has been only a dream, and dreams could be reversed, i would choose to be with my father even if i feel like fatherless rather than waking up without a father.

BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS……………………………………..

Fatherless in his presence is full of inspiration………………………………………………….

Fatherless in his absence is full of misery……………………………………….

Emptiness

Emptiness

Why do I feel empty? I have my family and friends around me. Is there something missing? Is there? Tell me, oh Lord.



Secret Love

Inspired...

Prof. Julius Jacomille and his Wife

We just finished our Medical Surgical yesterday and it was good because of "Prof. Julius Paul Jacomille". Yes, he's a smart young man. A very intelligent man, a great professor whom I've ever met. He made everything clear to us... the discussion was so simple that we understood every diseases he discussed but it's not a guarantee to get perfect in an exam. He told us to read more books and understand every line that we will be reading. Not only that, he even left us a very inspiring message, "Life will not give you success, even if you have a Positive Attitude and Self-Belief without Action!". That is so true.

Anyway, it's already May and I need to study harder because Local Nursing Exam is fast approaching. I need to spend more time reading, reading and reading. I know that my own strength is not enough... I also need God's strength, encouragement and also your prayers. Help me pass the board exam.

Mentally Exhausted

NLE Review makes me sick! It gives me a headache! Imagine you are sitting for 8 hours straight with only a lunch break? Who would not be exhausted? Gosh, plus mag-aanswer ka pa ng 200 items na questions everyday! Naku! grabe nato! Di ko ma take pero bahala na! Dapat mag-aral talaga para makapasa ng NLE Board! More Powers Ritz!

Beach Again!

Before the review will start tomorrow, let me update this blog. ^_^ This morning, my family decided to go to the beach and have fun for a while. Well, it's resurrection Sunday so there's a big reason why we should be happy!

I had fun with the beach especially with the enormous waves! Yup, i like waves! They are the spices in the beach. What makes me more happy is that, my father joined the fun (it's unusual for him to join).

Anyway, as you can see on the pictures... there is a castle. We built that castle and the wave was our enemy... We did not win the battle... our castle was washed out by the wave... Lol. We really had a good time in the beach! ^_^ So happy!

On NLE Review...

I would like to tell everyone that starting April 13 I will be on review and that means... I won't be updating this blog because of my hectic review schedule... 8-5 pm then 6-8pm and I will be studying from 9-12am. So, I think I won't have a time on blogging. It's kinda sad to leave this blog for two months but I have to inorder to pass the Nursing Li censure Exam. I'm really sorry guys but I promise... as soon as I finish my board exam I will be updating this again! Hope you will still visit my site often... THANK YOU! PLEASE PRAY FOR MY REVIEW AND UPCOMING BOARD EXAM...

Why people cheat?

So, are cheaters born cheaters, or do certain situations cause people to cheat? Probably a little bit of both. Here are some situations that make people cheat:

1. Bored
I'd say this is the most common reason that people cheat.It's tough to keep that edge throughout a relationship. Things start off grand and then level off and then you both realize that it's still real life. When you meet someone else, that inaugural excitement of a new relationship kicks back in.

2. Dependence
At first glance, cheating seems like independent behavior. It could be interpreted as doing what you want, when you want. But I would argue that cheating is a dependent behavior. A cheater is dependent because they are not strong enough to break up with their significant other in order to get with the new person.

3. Confusion
Sometimes life or a particular situation can get to you. When the perfect storm of confusion is going on in your head, you make mistakes.

4. Because They Let You
If any girl ever cheated on me, I'd break up with her immediately. Forgiving a cheater is putting up with it, and starts a vicious cycle. That person who cheated may lose respect for you and might continue to cheat-because they know they can get away with it, because you'll continue to take them back.

5. Nurturing
If someone is mistreating you, then your first instinct is to get away from him or her. But sometimes it's not that simple-maybe you are raising kids together. If you feel trapped in a bad relationship, it's only natural that you will run to the open arms of a person who treats you well.

6. Revenge
This is quite simple- an eye for an eye. Cheat on them if they cheat on you. If they continuously hurt you or abuse you in some way, you do it to get them back.

7. Confirmation of Attractiveness
Sometimes when you're in a long relationship, or if your significant other is taking you for granted, you begin to wonder if you're still attractive. Perhaps, because you were out on the dating circuit, you felt more attractive when you were single. If you have an affair, you've proven that a new person can be attracted to you.

8. They Don't Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might
Relationships have that grey area, usually right before you become exclusive. He thinks date #4 is when you're "together," and you think date #2 is when you're "together." If you haven't talked about exclusivity, someone may think they are well within their rights to see other people, even though the other person in the relationship may not.

Is it natural to have temptation, or is temptation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire? What reasons would you add to this list, and do you disagree with any? Could you forgive a cheater? If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship, does that make you a cheater?

I am not perfect!

All of us are not perfect... we commit mistakes, we hurt our friends, hurt our self and sometimes we even hurt our love ones. We are just human... we commit errors... we are not perfect.

I would like to share my own experience... I am a girl who have a loving boyfriend who resides far from my place. but visits me often.. A boyfriend who gives everything to me.. but still I was not contented...

I was tempted to see with another guy who is my classmate back here at my place. We often see each other... we go out, eat, talk and laugh. My boyfriend knew all these things because I told him everything... He became sad when he heard these things but still he preferred to be with me despite the bad things I've done...

... I stopped seeing this "classmate of mine" because I want to focus on my boyfriend. I want to prove to my BF that I love him... but I don't know why I'm so weak... I tend to forget my promise... I hurt him again... I'm such a stupid cheater girlfriend!

Please give me another chance. I will try my best to be strong again.

No, no to this question...

Never ask this question to anybody!
Love comes without asking for it...

I bought a Samsung yp-U3 MP3

I love listening to music that's why I bought a new Samsung yp-U3 MP3 to entertain myself. /hihi

It's not expensive... it only cost 1,900 pesos. The price is just perfect! Samsung U3 has a sensitive button. You don't need to press it hard... the buttons are really sensitive. It comes in 5 different colors. Mine is color black because white, pink, light green, and light blue were not available. Hmmp... but I love the colors pink,blue and white.

Congratulations Sistah for passing again the Nursing Board Exam!

My sister,Joy, finished her BS-Nurising course last march 2006. She took the nursing board exam last June 2006 and was able to pass it on the first try...Unfortunately, June 2006 examination was considered "scam". They said that there was a leakage of the tests 3 and 5. So, all of the examiners were given a freedom to take again the test 3 and 5... My sister took again test 3 and 5 but she did not make it. She failed.

She was disappointed... she did not surrender her license ( she was still considered a nurse even though she did not pass the test 3 and 5 but she cannot go out to USA to work)... she decided to work here at our local hospital... and specialized at the hemodialysis unit. She learned a lot from her experiences.

...One year later, I don't know what made here decide to take again the Nursing Board Exam. Last Nov.2008, she took the NLE exam without refreshing her knowledge. She did not study or review ...instead she was looking for a job at Cebu City before the Nov. board exam. Joy did not hope to pass the board exam because according to her the exam was too difficult... but...

... she was wrong. The PRC released just this afternoon the result of the NLE and there Joy Quindo was printed. She said that "this is a blessing from God".

Congratulations Joy! To God be the Glory!

Nursing Board Review & Thesis

Nursing students are always busy especially if you are a graduating student because you need to comply a lot of things before you graduate. Now,what are the things to comply?

• OR/DR Cases - this composes 5 major operations, 5 minor operations, 5 assist deliveries, 5 actual deliveries and 5 cord care.
• Comply extension duties - extension duties are the results of absences, labor and tiredness.
• Thesis

Getting the 25 OR/DR cases is hard. I only got 12 cases right now. I don't know when and where will I get the 13 cases.

Anyway, OR/DR completion is not only my problem but my thesis and my current nursing board review are giving me pains too. Imagine, I got home today at 9pm because of making my thesis! I mean, editing the corrections! Grr.. and this review of mine is making me sad because I got low scores! 18/40, 20/40, 6/15, 11/20, 20/35, 19/40. Is that an average score? Oh my gosh! If that score continues I won't pass this coming board exam!

What I need is to study more and more and more and more!!! Learn techniques in answering the questions. There will be no changes if I wont change my study habit, right?

I need a break

Being a student is not easy... you spend too much physical and mental effort. Why physical? Of course, who would not get tired climbing up the 3rd floor of the building every day? Yes, our classroom is located at the 3rd floor and it so tiring to go up and down.

... I can handle all the pressure at school but when it is added with the pressure at home, I become exhausted. We know, that as part of the family... we should do our part, right? Well... after school, I immediately go home and do my part... What are they? Cook the rice, clean the house (it's always messy... no more helpers @ home) , and serve my dad who had a brain attack. Yeah, that's my life...

But then again, I can handle all these pressures in life... God is there helping me.

Is this me?

What is happening to me? Just a while ago, my dad asked me to look for the number of his friend but I did not mind him because I was focusing on what I was studying... and then my dad slap the computer keyboard... it fell on the floor and I picked it up and banged it back.

My big sister and my mom saw what I did. They scolded me.. saying all the things they want to say but I just ignored them. I turned my music louder so that I can't hear their voices.

After 5 minutes, I realized that what I did was wrong. I cried and told myself what's happening to me. Is this me? I don't understand why I acted that way. I don't know what's happening to me.

Wounded Heart

I don't know what is happening to me these days. I feel so lonely... my mind is wandering around... I could not understand why. You know what, I could hardly show my smile to everyone... I find myself faking my smile because I don't want them to notice that I am lonely.

I wanted to pour out this emotion but there's no one there. Everybody is angry at me. Nobody likes to be with me because I'm a worthless and stupid girl. But hey! even though this soul is wounded, she's try her best to be healed.

"The lonely soul wanders
Alone in the walks of life
No other soul as her companion
The lonely soul wanders

Alone in the daybreak
She does her duties
In the walks of life
The lonely soul wanders

Alone in the life
She meets many other souls
Who comes to be
Unfit for the lonely soul
The lonely soul wanders

As the days pass by
The lonely soul became
More lonely, with no other
souls as her companion
The lonely soul wanders

Alone in the walks of life
The lonely soul decides
Not to die, but to face
Life in all its hardships
The lonely soul wanders"

How do you know it's Love?

I, myself really don't know what love means and how to determine if what I am feeling is already "Love". We know that it is hard to stay with someone if you are not sure that you love him. Here's a nice article that I've read in the internet.

Sometimes, we develop a particular fondness for the person we’re dating. We just can’t stop thinking about him/her, even after many, many hours savoring his/her company. We are left in a quandary about our feelings, and certain queasiness pervades our days. Then we ask ourselves the question: have we fallen in love with that person?

Love is indeed a wonderful thing. But it is something that we should be certain about, least we spend many sleepless nights in deep thoughts and confusion. Sadly, determining the veracity of love is not always easy. Sometimes, a deep infatuation is equated with the same.

So how do we know that it’s love… real love that is? What could we be sure that the other person is not only the object of our thoughts, but the object of our hearts as well? Here are some signs that would help us say that what we’re feeling is indeed love.

1. When, at the beginning of the day, you are already filled with thoughts of the other person: what he/she is doing, how he/she looks, what you could do to make him/her smile today… when something good or nice happens to you, you always think of how you must share this with him/her, be it a funny story or a moment of your triumph. You always wish that he/she would be right there with you, but even if he/she isn’t, it’s okay because you know that soon you will be together and you anticipate that. No moment, no matter how dull it seems like simply watching TV together, is ever a wasted moment. Every minute counts when you’re with that person.

2. You become selfless. And you start thinking more about what would be good for the other person, than what would be good for you. Your ultimate happiness is to be able to make that other person happy, whether it is with you or with another person. You take care of him/her and you keep looking out for him/her. Be reminded however that making the other person happy does not include inflicting or causing harm to yourself or being untrue to yourself. You don’t ask that person to do sacrifices for you either, such as doing stuff you asked them to do just to prove their love to you.

3. You start to think of how it would be to be with this person forever… and you relish that dream or feeling. The thought of spending the rest of your lives together is not seen as being stuck with another person, but is considered to be a very wonderful idea.

4. Even if there are other people who are more beautiful or attractive, you still choose to be with this person. This means your commitment to this person is absolute. You have fully and undeniably decided to be with only him/her no matter what. It is not only love, but also devotion.

5. There is passion and fireworks, even after the infatuation period of six months. If you have been together for such a long time now, but aren’t bored out of your minds yet and can still feel the fire burning – simply because you keep it burning (and this requires dedication and effort), is a clear indication that love is still shared between two people.
6. There is a desire to understand each other, even at the biggest of arguments. You continue to communicate openly and do not harshly judge each other. You accept each other’s faults and shortcomings. For example, no matter how fat she gets and no matter how much he drools when he sleeps, you still stay and love the person. Also, you stay true and honest to that person.

7. There is a great deal of respect, admiration and trust for this person. And she/he has earned it well.

I am not in hurry.... I'll wait for that person whom God will give to me. I'll wait for the right time.

Lonely Day

My friend and I we're suppose to go out today to watch the sunset at the beach but unfortunately the sun was too shy. He stayed behind the gloomy sky all day. I wanted to see the sunset again and I thought I will see it today. I'm just so sad that I could not witness the beautiful sunset at the beach. How I wish there is always a sunset like that in the picture. How I wish the sun would set beautiful today. How I wish.

Anyway, my sister and I were fighting a while ago because of some "little things". I did not go with them to the church because I was really mad at her. I even shouted while talking her. I know it was not a good manner but I could not control my temper. Well, I guess I deserve to be alone in the house.

What kind of guy do you like?

Every girl has their own type of guy. It could be handsome, kind, white, gentlemen and etc. Just name all the adjectives. ^_^ Anyway, I have also my own "type of guy". Let me mention one by one what kind of man I love to be with forever.

1. Music Lover. Yes, I love guys who are into music especially classical music. I dunno why but I find them romantic. If the guy knows how to play piano or any classical instrument I am so in to them.

2. Responsible. A guy who knows what to do and knows what are his responsibility in life is such a wonderful attitude to have. I don't like those guy who don't take responsibility... I don't like them really. No matter how handsome he is, if he is not responsible... I will not give in.

3. Neat. Oh yeah, I'm attractive to those guys who are neat and well-groomed because I know when the time comes that we will be married... our house will be clean and white as snow. *laughs*.

4. Patient. Like the saying goes... "patience is a virtue". A guy who waits is a big points for me. Because I'm such a slow girl and I wake up late. So, the guy should be patient while waiting for me during dates and hang-outs.

5. Silent. Not totally mute guy but a guy who is not loud while talking with me. I don't really like loud guy and a guy who always laugh even in a normal conversation. Erg.

6. Loving. Of course, who would like somebody who is not lovable? But I don't like guys who are too showy even in public places. It pissed me off.

and lastly...

7. God fearing. The most important personality that my man should have is God-fearing. I don't want to have a family if the father does not have a God.

Well, there you go. I think that's all I can share to you.

It's raining again...

Yesterday, the sun was finally up in the sky after two weeks of hiding behind the clouds and now it's raining again. I am sure that the sun will hide again and tomorrow will be another gloomy day for me. I just hope that everyone will be okay tomorrow. I pray that there will be no more floods and landslides.

PR 1 gone in the wind

Okay, okay... Google gave me pr 1 but it did not last long. Google's last update was on Dec. 31, right? But I think google has just did his PR update again and I lost my PR 1. I don't know what happened but maybe my PR 1 was just a mistake? Lol. I hope I can gain PR again in his next update.